that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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