we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
