In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
