My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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