I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
