yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
