awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
