my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
