if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
