the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
