no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
