why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And the cops told us we were all naked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
