chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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