I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
