I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
