It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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