Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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