I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
