i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The air was thick with penises
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
