I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
