I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
