party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
