I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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