I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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