You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
