Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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