3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
