She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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