i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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