she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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