My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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