My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
