I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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