do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
