We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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