He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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