Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
