The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk is not a location!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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