So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
