hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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