just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
