So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
