just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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