i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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