I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
