Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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