Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
