question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
