I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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