Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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