Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
