So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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