perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
